It has been brought to my attention that sometimes people like to puff up their writing with purple prose and unnecessary wordage. No, I am not a professional writer, but I think I could help some of you guys out there. I'm sure a lot of you know this stuff, but I you never know . . . you could learn something new.
[align=right]December, Esq[/align]

VOICE

Something we learn in English class is that we ought to refrain from using the passive voice in writing our essays. This applies to writing creatively as well, for using an active voice makes the work stronger and more coherent. There is a time and place for passive voice, of course; however, here I shall show you why active triumphs over passive.

Passive Voice

You know what this is. You use it all the time. Passive voice is when you fail to acknowledge the doer of an action in your sentence. This can come in handy when you want to soften things, but when you're telling a story, it is often more effective to stay away from it.

The war was won.
This leaves the reader wondering who exactly won the war.

The war was won by the Revolutionaries.
That provides us with more information, but it still doesn't have quite the same impact as an active sentence.

Keep reading; I'll tell you how to improve this. But before I do so, I would like to say that sometimes, no one cares who did the action. In a case like that--the result is more important than the action itself--passive voice is fine. However, in general it is just not as strong.

Active Voice

Something I should note about active voice is that usually word count decreases when you use it. Thus, if word count is your main concern, use all of the passive voice you desire. Now, as I promised, I will fix the example sentences above.

The Revolutionaries won the war.
This one, while more concise, packs a greater punch.

Other examples:
Passive: The ball was thrown.
Active: The catcher threw the ball.

Passive: Josh was attacked.
Active: The bullies attacked Josh.

Active voice tells what happened and who preformed the action in a clear and concise way. In addition, it reads easier and is less confusing.

VERBS

We cannot form a complete sentence without verbs, so unless you're going to write all of your RP posts in fragments, you need to use verbs. Of course, you don't have to use them well, but using them well is definitely a good thing.

"To Be" Verbs

These little verbs are, well, little. "To be" verbs are any form of the infinitive "to be," including, but not limited to, was, were, and is. Like passive voice, they are not as strong, though they do have their place.

The key about "to be" verbs is that you ought to use them only on occassion when you absolutely must use them. They don't have the same flair that vivid verbs have.

The ship was sailing around the world when it was attacked.
It's not a bad sentence, but it certainly could be better.

There are times, of course, where "to be" verbs are imperative. After all, if you start avoiding them completely, your sentences become long-winded and complicated and just darn annoying. Usually this happens when you have simple sentences such as "He is the king." Yes, it can be improved, but I wouldn't suggest doing it all the time. Sometimes simpler is better.

Vivid Verbs

Vivid verbs add a level of passion to your writing that one cannot achieve by writing purely with "to be" verbs. Please note that this isn't just replacing "to be" verbs in every sentence, but knowing when to add more detailed verbs to your paragraphs.

"To Be": The ship was sailing around the world when it was attacked.
Vivid: As the ship sailed passed the Port of Insanity, the pirates attacked the ship.

Or how about this one:

"To Be": Julie was walking up the stairs one step at a time.
Better: Julie walked up the steps one step at a time. *
Vivid: Julie hobbled up the steps one step at a time. *

*Please note that these may not be the best choices depending upon the context. However, for this example, they are much more descriptive than the first sentence.

ADVERBS

Many people consider adverbs a gift from the heavens while other people cringe at the thought of using them. I encourage people to err on the side of caution when using adverbs since too many can destroy good writing.

What is an adverb?
An adverb is a word that modifies a verb, adjective or another adverb. Confused? Here's a hint: most adverbs end in "ly." Not all, for the word "well" is an adverb.

Why should I avoid using them?
Adverbs are a cheap crutch beginning writers use to help them along. They prop up the sentence on spindly legs just long enough for the writer to move on to the next sentence, but they leave the reader feeling bored.

Yeah? Well, I'm an avid adverb fan!
Good for you.

Now, some people may defend adverbs with their lives, but there's really nothing special about them. Take this example:

Sue gently touched Joe's cheek.
Well, not too bad. But these are better, depending upon your meaning:
Sue patted Joe's cheek.
Sue caressed Joe's cheek.

See here, I'm replacing the adverb and the weak verb with a stronger, more vivid verb. Let's try another example:

Adverb-infected:Jane quickly saw her life flash before her eyes as the car came to a quick stop and almost hit her.
Better: Jane's life flashed before her eyes as the car screeched to a halt a fraction of an inch from her face.

There is a time and a place for adverbs--chances are it's not here.

ADJECTIVES

They aren't as bad as adverbs, but they don't always get the job done. People often use lots of adjectives because they think that it makes their writing better. It doesn't. It can if the adjectives are used in the right place, but just throwing them in haphazardly doesn't do much good.

What is an adjective?
Adjectives modify nouns and pronouns. Usually they come directly before the word they modify (in English at least), though not always. ("The car is green" is one example that comes to mind.)

Why should I avoid them?
You shouldn't avoid them as much as you should use them with caution. Too many adjectives lead to purple prose.

Example:
The shimmering, glowing, intense sun shone down on them.
Adjective overload. This is better:
The sun beat down on them.
Or
The intense sun shone down on them.

Sometimes more is better.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

Now it's time to put this all together and see how we can improve some writing. Keep in mind that not every passive voice, "to be" verb, adverb or adjective needs to be changed.

Lauren touched the weathered cover of the ancient book with a firm finger as she forlornly remembered the better times before the Great War. She looked heavily down at the shining, polished ring which sat delicately on her long, thin left-hand finger, and she wished that she had told him what she wanted to tell him deep within her sad heart. She gently put her palm on the decrepid cover of the antediluvian novel and a large, round tear fell down her cheek and onto the rich, mahogany table. Her chocolate orbs looked at the beautiful ring once again before she took it off and threw it venemously down on the hard, cold wood floor. She would kill him now.

Ummm. Okay. *scratches head*

Lauren thumped the cover of the ancient book that sat on the library table before her as she reminisced about the better times before the Great War. She glanced down at the glittering ring wrapped around her finger, and wished she had told him long ago what she wanted to tell him now. As she placed her palm on the cover of the book, a tear slid down her cheek onto the mahogany table. Her brown eyes surveyed the ring one final time before she slid it from her finger and heaved it towards the wooden floorboards at her feet. She would kill him now.

The second piece isn't an award-winning novel, but it doesn't make me want to vomit.

A Final Note

Take what I say with a grain of salt, but remember that packing your writing full of adverbs and adjectives does not make you a better writer. On the other hand, neither does completely removing them. Use strong verbs to enhance your writing, but don't forget that weaker verbs can accent your writing.

© December, Esq of RPG-D